


love letter

by hsytheworld



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love Letters, Mentioned LOONA Ensemble, One Shot, loona disbanded
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:21:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29330745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hsytheworld/pseuds/hsytheworld
Summary: Just like how Jiwoo had signed the letter with the words forever yours, Sooyoung would forever be Jiwoo’s.or,a few years after the group disbanded, sooyoung decides to head off to her favorite park to reread the letter jiwoo gave her all those years ago.
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu
Comments: 13
Kudos: 39





	love letter

The winter breeze was cold against her pink cheeks, her breath visible in the freezing air. Sooyoung rubbed her hands together in a measly effort to make herself warmer as she turned the corner, eventually arriving at a small park that held an extremely special memory of hers and her life as an idol.

She had moved back to Busan after LOONA disbanded, having ended their career on a high note—a final world tour. It sold out in every country they toured in, extravagant arenas filled with lightsticks that altered between the twelve colors assigned to each member. The flashes of burgundy were always her favorite, for obvious reasons. But the color peach always made her heart warm.

Seven mini albums, three full albums, and two world tours were only a few of their many achievements. After the rough start the girl group’s career experienced, they shot straight into stardom as Star hit the radio waves in the United States. LOONA ended up playing at Coachella a year later, while surprisingly winning a triple crown during their next comeback after Midnight. 

What was left of that now is a cafe Sooyoung had decided to open up with her husband in her hometown, a KakaoTalk group chat between the former members, and a solid job in the entertainment industry. Her job as being an MC for Fact In Star had put her on the radar for future hosting jobs, and eventually she was sought after to host major shows like the annual Seoul Music Awards when they started gaining fame in their homeland. She began to be known as Ha Sooyoung, the host who charmed the nation with her first love smile.

_First love smile._

That’s what every member told her she had. Jinsol said it first, Sooyoung recalls. Word travelled fast and eventually the whole group started complimenting her about it. It made her blush, but it was true. The way her nose scrunched up and her eyes disappeared once something made her smile was how everyone ended up falling in love with her. It’s how she first met her husband—he was a random stranger who had made her laugh with a cheesy joke during her train ride home to Busan. 

Another person who had fallen in love with her was Kim Jiwoo.

She finds the park bench she always sits at. The years took its toll on their— _her_ favorite wooden bench, with the color slowly fading away from what once was beautiful mahogany colored wood. Sooyoung sets down her coffee on the empty seat beside her and reaches into her coat pocket, producing a piece of paper that had obviously been read and reread multiple times. It showed the marks of continuous folding and unfolding, along with some of the corners having little tears here and there.

Sooyoung unfolds the letter, beginning to read Jiwoo’s familiar handwriting. Every time she reads it feels like the first time, even when it must have been over a hundred times since she’d actually read it first.

* * *

Sooyoung,

This is Jiwoo! I know we’re all writing each other letters before our final show in Seoul, so I hope this finds you well. It’s been so long since we first met, hasn’t it been? I think I met you ten years ago, Sooyoung. 

Wow. Time really has passed, huh? Even to the point where we’ve dropped the honorifics. Maybe you should scold me one more time, just so I can hold that memory in my heart before we have to say goodbye and go our separate ways.

I guess what I mean by that is that LOONA is no more and we’re all going our own ways... but I know we’ll all still keep talking! Haseul already has our KakaoTalk group chat set up, and I’m moving in with Jungeun next month!! I’m really excited, I really hope you’ll come visit us. I think everyone’s staying in Seoul for the most part, but I heard you’ll be moving back soon to Busan. You know I’ll miss you, right? Ten years of knowing you and seeing you every day, and all of a sudden I won’t have my unnie to annoy and have fun with. I’ll miss that part of my day. Remember when we used to stay up all night just talking about everything and anything? I’d be so tired the next day and almost fall asleep during our schedules, but it was always worth it. I never regretted a day of it, Sooyoung. I hope you didn’t too!

Remember the time you’d taken me to Busan to meet your family? It was such an honor because although your parents came out to visit us sometimes, that was the first time you had ever brought anyone from the group home. I felt so special and honestly, that was one of the best weekends in my entire life. I missed my parents that break, but being with you quickly made up for it. I still remember the soup your mom made for us. It was so good, and I can’t believe she gave me the recipe to it, too! I can never forget the shocked look on your face and the cute tantrum you threw after being jealous that your mom never gave you her recipes :P I guess she just loved Jiwoo, huh?

And I loved you, Sooyoung. I wasn’t going to bring this up because I wanted this letter to look back on all our good times, but then I think... the time I spent loving you was part of it. It didn’t feel fair for me to leave it out, and if I’m being honest, we never really talked about it, so I guess this is my chance to let you know about how I really felt.

Do you remember the bench we sat on when we took a walk every day while I was there? The mahogany one... or was it cherry? I don’t remember :( I always think about the time we watched the stars while sitting on that bench. It was a full moon, remember? And we thought it was funny because Orbits always matched up our comebacks with the phases of the moon. You looked so beautiful under the stars. It was when you just bleached your hair blonde and you felt so conscious of it, but you looked so so so beautiful. Nothing could ever make you anything less than beautiful in my eyes, Sooyoung. The moonlight reflected so clearly in your eyes—the ones I would get lost in every time I’d look into them. I wanted to kiss you so bad, Sooyoung. I really did. And I tried... we got so close, but then you pulled away.

I’ll never forget the look on your face after that. I couldn’t tell if you were disgusted with me, or if you were just confused. I really wish you had kissed me back, but instead you told me that this couldn’t happen. You were right, I know. I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with my unnie, especially not you, my leader. I know. I’m sorry. But it hurt so bad. I couldn’t stop crying for months. Jinsol unnie had to hold me in my bunk bed for so many nights, but I asked her to keep this from you. I hope she did, because that would be embarrassing if you knew the entire time ^^

Falling in love with you was something that was really hard for me not to do. I mean, who are we kidding? My debut song was ABOUT loving you! I know BBC tried making it seem like it wasn’t gay, but we both knew the truth :p I know it’s tied to the Loonaverse, but sometimes I wonder... was I really ever acting? Dang! Maybe I should go into dramas then—or shouldn’t? I shouldn’t. It would mean that I’d catch feelings for my co-stars, and I don’t think I’d want to like someone else that isn’t you, Sooyoung. I know I’ll have to in the future, but for now, you’re the only one on my mind. And I know you don’t like me back, and that’s okay. I was content with loving you from afar for the past ten years, and I still am. Everything about you is so perfect to me and it will always be that way.

I left you hints, too. I’m sorry I wasn’t careful enough with hiding my feelings. Remember all the times I had tried to get your attention so bad? All the times I had come up to you and yelled so loud your ears hurt? Those were funny times, unnie, but I just wanted your attention in the end. The letter I wrote you that you read so many years ago on VLIVE was a hint I wanted you to pick up on, but I guess you never did. Oh well. I can’t blame you, really! I’ve been told my personality is so affectionate so maybe you mistook it as me just being Chuu :)

It was weird that we never talked about it at first, but I guess it made it easier for you. I don’t know. I never wanted to bother you about it because you were always so busy, and eventually we barely saw each other anyway so there wasn’t much time to talk about it. During the few times we were alone, I wanted to, but I’d wondered if you had forgotten about it. Did you?

The next years kind of went by in a flash, if I’m being honest haha. I don’t remember much, just schedule after schedule, activity after activity. I guess that’s a good thing because all the continuous events took my mind off of it, and you, to an extent.

It was hard for me, though. We still saw each other every day, and I still wish that you had loved me back. It’s okay that you don’t though, I understand. We’re not really in the place for it, and I guess if it did ever happen, our career would be on the line. So maybe it was for the better :)

Then I found out that you were dating him, and I had never been so happy for you. I’m serious! I know that I loved you, and maybe I still do, but I think... for me, you being happy always come first before mine. I had always tried my best to make you happy ever since I’d met you, so seeing you be happy with someone just put my mind at ease. I saw the way you smiled when you first introduced him to us, and I knew you were in good hands. If you’re happy, unnie, I’m happy for you too! 

I’m not really sure where else to go with this, except that I’ll miss you. I’ll miss the times we’d stayed up until the sun rose, all the times we’d watched movies on the living room TV with Hyejoo and Chaewon. All the times you’d comforted me—that’s something I’ll forever be thankful about, okay? I don’t know what I would have done without you. You were my rock for so long, especially when I was just debuting. Thank you so much for letting me lean on you. I needed you, and you were always there. I’ll never forget that.

Thank you for letting me in too, Sooyoung. I’ll always cherish and hold close to my heart the secrets you’ve told me and the conversations we’ve had. I’m so appreciative to have known the real you, the lovable, soft, caring, and kind Sooyoung. You really are one of the best people I’ve ever known, unnie. Please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! The world doesn’t deserve you. You’re too good for it.

Here’s to many more years of friendship and good health, and success to not just ours, but everyone’s career! You should let me visit you sometime :P We can visit that old bench again and laugh about all our wonderful memories together.

We’ll do so well on stage tomorrow. Let’s give them a final show to remember. Fighting!!!

Forever yours,  
Jiwoo

* * *

Sooyoung wipes her sleeve against her cheek as she reads the last sentence for what now feels like the hundredth time, and folds up the letter once again. She delicately puts it inside her coat pocket, careful not to damage it any more than she already has in the past. She looks up at the sky, the clouds blocking the sun on this cold, winter day. She thinks about the years she’d avoided Jiwoo’s feelings, and her mind wanders to what could have happened if she wasn’t so afraid of the truth.

Sooyoung loved Jiwoo, maybe even more than her dongsaeng had ever loved her. She always has, ever since she had asked for her number in that elevator. But it had been a few years since the night Jiwoo slipped her that letter in their final group huddle, so she’s long accepted the fact that she was too late.

She’s happy with her husband. He’s kind and understanding, and never fails to make her feel loved. He always stays up waiting for her to come home from her activities and makes sure that when she’s tired, he covers the cafe as well as the chores at home. She knows she shouldn’t complain because she was lucky enough to have the best husband possible.

Despite that, her heart always wanders back to the girl with a permanent grin plastered on her face. The girl who had bangs for so long that when she finally got rid of them, she trended number one on Naver. The girl who had never failed to make her smile no matter what the occasion was. The girl who knew her so well and held her hand just when she started getting self conscious and anxious during performances and interviews... the girl who felt like home.

Just like how Jiwoo had signed the letter with the words _forever yours_ , Sooyoung would forever be Jiwoo’s. 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry i just really like listening to love letter... that song got me down bad
> 
> if you come here from my twitter post (@hsytheaus), this version has an extra paragraph or two in jiwoo’s letter because i wrote this in a flurry and forgot to talk about the heart attack mv... HOW COULD I
> 
> anyways curiouscat.me/hsytheworld let me know what u think i need fic ideas i don't bite


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